Texas was my home, is my home, it will be my home.

I was randomly sorting out my social media today as I found a post I had written about 9 months ago.  I dont remember why I didnt post it at the time but seems like a reasonable thing to do right now, since I dont have much to add to this blog anyway.
I have still been homesick for america from time to time.
Here is the post:

"Today in class, the teacher wrote down a simple phrase "FBI investigation" on the board.
These two words were enough to make me homesick for the whole day. These words reminded me my Forensic class, how much I miss this class. How much I miss EVERYTHING about my exchange year.
You see, homesickness is a weird thing. Maybe the weirdest I have ever had to deal with. It hits you when you least expect it and it does not go away.

Wanna know what I miss the most about America?
It is not how the school system works there or how big and pretty Texas is.
I miss how every Sunday morning we ran to the donut store looking like pandas with Adriana.
I miss how every morning Mrs.Huff threw me a protein bar telling me I need them more than she does.
I miss how I used to argue with coach Benefield every single time when he told me he did not spot me and I lifted the bar all by myself, yet I never believed him.
I miss how Sassy ran to me when my hostmom was yelling at her.
I miss how during warm up in theatre we caught up with each others lives and laughed more than I had during the whole day.
I will never forget how me and Hailey always found a way to sleep on the chairs in Social Media Marketing when the teacher was not there...or when the teacher was there but we were just to sleepy. 
I miss jamming in the car with Liz and almost hitting other cars because you know "probably not the best idea but it worked."
I wanna be on the track at 3pm again running until we all are about to throw up while coach Jewel is still making us laugh and I wanna hear all Coach Copes pep talks before meets.
I wanna be in the bus with Liz and Coach Meek and hear them arguing because Liz NEVER agrees with him.
I miss how Luke always said something brilliant in the mornings and always had his own opinion on everything.
I miss how DC and Szymon were teasing me during lunch.
And as hard as it is to admit that, I miss how DC used to remove the paper around my protein shake, making me all angry with this.
I miss going to the weight room every day during the break because no matter what mood I was in, I always left form the stadium smiling."


This is the magic about an exchange year. I really feel like I lived there, I created a life that I would have never created if I had just moved there by myself.
What makes it hard is that no matter what, I will never get that feeling back. No matter how many times I will visit them or how much I would talk to them. I will never have the same routine and the same Junior year in KHS.

I understand now what it means to have two lives. The girl I am today, does not know the girl who was in America 14 months ago, but she remembers how this girl felt.

Just feel like I owe an enormous "Thank You" to everybody who made my year in the USA to be the dream life I always wished for.

xoxo

Everything general about my American experience

* Basically, in school there are groups of people. Football guys, cheerleaders, indianettes, nerds, regular people, loners, etc.
* Everybody wears basically same clothes and same shoes.
* When the teacher meets the class first time, he/she gives a short overview about his/her life and introduces him/herself for about half an hour.
* They'd rather drive around the parking lot for half an hour than park far from the door and walk to the store.

- Fun Facts:

1) I had a screensaver: no text to Estonia!

2) I chilled in bathroom during lunch once, because I was homesick and didn’t wanna find new friends. 

3) At the end of the day I always thought how super good my American life is 

4) You are gonna miss everything, especially when all your friends start telling you how they are going to cry when you leave.

5) Liz: ''Lisa and stay in this area cause u know you like to wander'' aka our KOHL's trips with Liz!

- Tips to next exchange students:

1. If you wanna write a blog post about something, do it ASAP. If you don't have time to open your computer, write a draft on your phone memories. Because if you don't do it right away, you'll end up with 4 different posts that need to be posted and you just start stressing about it, like me lol.

2.Don’t follow the plan; don’t try to be the ‘’perfect’’ exchange student. Be you and have fun!!!

3.Speak up if you are homesick.

4.Don’t compare your life in America to your life back home!

5. Don't leave buying gifts for people back home on the last minute because you can never be sure if your host family or your friends are willing to drive you around for getting presents. (Except if you have Liz, who drives you from KOHL's to Walmart to CVS and then again to Walmart, then you should be fine)

6. USE PINTEREST FOR PACKING TIPS!

7. Use pinterest for everything...

7. Instead of telling your stories, ask about their's. Make them feel like they have that magical dream life you came here to see.

How it feels to be back?

Finally I have the courage to write this final post about my exchange year. 
Took me 3 months. 

Honestly, I haven't had much time to get all deep in my emotions and miss America a whole lot, but there are things I wanna talk about. 

I remember my first thoughts when I got back:

'I am lil' bit confused now, was that year in America a dream, or is being back home a dream?' 

I remember last night in America. Me and Adriana were up all night on June 26th, watching Camp Rock and dancing to these songs, absolutely okay. At about 2am I started getting ready to leave: took a shower, gathered all my things and closed my carry-on luggage. We woke my host mom up at 4am and it was my last half an hour. Before we left I took a last look at my room, hugged the dogs, put the gift on the table and that was it: we were in the car on our way to the airport. We did stop at whataburger tho and got some reaaaaly early breakfast + coffee. Ever since we got to the airport, everything happened so fast: the security, first flight, second flight and suddenly I was about to step off the plane in Tallinn. Until the very last moment I was so sure I am not gonna cry when I leave, but when the plane took off from Dallas, I just burst into tears telling myself I wanna go back home to Keller. In Chicago I saw all the other exchange students who flew back to Europe that day. There were Danish and Estonian people + Ben from Hungary who I met at the last orientation, it was great to see him again. Also it was weird to see Hanna, Carmen and all the other Estonians again, we didn't speak even a word in Estonian until we walked out of the gates in Estonia. Hanna's host brother came to Estonia with us so he kept our mood up. 
Without lying, walking out of the gates in Estonia was one of the scariest moments in my life. Whenever we got our luggage and knew that everybody is waiting behind these wooden doors, it didn't seem real. There was a lot of hugging and laughing when I saw my parents, boyfriend, Rita and Britta&her boyfriend who had all come to welcome me. Fun fact: my mom seriously didn't recognize me haha. 
After hugging my mom&dad, my boyfriend was behind me and as soon as I got to hug him again, I knew I was home. 

It took me long time to understand I am actually back and living here now. Summer went by faster than I would have ever imagined and we did a lot. School is fine, although there really was a little shocking moment when I realised I am going to be here another 2 years before I graduate and I have new classmates. I think at times I don't even understand myself how much I talk about or compare my American life to my life here. My English teacher is from the U.S so his class is the one where I feel reaaaally comfortable. But school here is completely different and as the time goes by I see how differently people do things here. 

Couple of days ago I texted my host mom FIRST time since I've been back. I was scared I will get homesick after texting her, which I did...But it was so good to hear from them. 
I guess how it feels to be back is weird. I am not the same person in Estonia as I was in America. Adapting to the culture when you get back home takes time. Actually I didn't even understand that I have to adapt or anything because I mean, it's home and I know how things work here, right? But still, every day I see how different everything is. I still think in English most of the time, and just yesterday I had a dream how I was about to fly back to the U.S haha. 

And another fun fact: every time I call Liz, we talk about 1,5 hours and after ending the call it still feels like we didn't have enough time to talk haha. 

I miss America, but I am really glad to be back! :) 

Welcome home <3