The magic I got from my exchange year

    People say you learn a lot during your year abroad. Not only as an exchange student, but as an explorer in a foreign country in general. Hell, we learn a lot every single day. For me tho, there are pretty incredible things I got from my second life that I still hold close to me and without a doubt I definitely would not have created a life like this for myself today if I had not fallen in love with YFU 6 years ago.

    You know the saying that Love is a feeling. It is easy to find connections between love and an exchange year. I love my year that I had and that year gave me a feeling which will never leave.

What I got from that experience?

    First of all, it is not what I got, but what I left there. A piece of me is still in Texas, sitting in Chapps and waiting for my bacon avocado cheeseburger with extra fries. And it is good to hide behind that one piece in every once in a while. When things get rough today, I bring in a thought or two of my exchange year. It helps me to remind that even if a situation seems boring, helpless, pointless, useless and not entertaining enough, I will fall in love with that moment once it is gone anyway so better to enjoy it now than look at pictures later while blaming myself why the hell did I not enjoy this time enough.

    I got a feeling of regret. I regret that I did not take all my chances, that I did not open all doors, that I did not ask as much as I could have asked and I regret that I took it as a mission to complete not as a year to enjoy. Sounds a little too negative you think. For me it is a positive thing. You learn from your mistakes, right? I have these regrets about the time when I was in the U.S and that is what led me to a quote that ,,if you are gonna regret not doing it later, then do it now, no matter how and what you need to make it happen but you will find a way,, so no regrets and I know I hurt feelings sometimes, but I have to be an egoist on that point, because I do not wanna regret things that did not happen, I wanna have memories to remember.

    What I got, you ask? I got a sense of humanity and a feeling that no one can ever take away from me. Totally out of topic, but for me it kind a relates to the fact of what I got from all that. One day, about a year ago, as I started cleaning out my google drive I found a folder that is still sitting there. It's titled "Keller High School". I mean, I do know that I still have some of my school work and essays from the U.S, but ever since I've been back in Estonia, I've never really read them through again. That morning I did. The feeling that I got was more than weird. Who knows me well, knows how much my point of view and priorities have changed, but in this moment, as I was reading those old short stories, poems and Interior Design projects, I felt like I was still this 16-year old girl, sitting on my bed in Keller and trying to pull of a good homework to impress my teachers. It was a warm feeling, because although I have partly put this year behind me and don't remember much of it, reading these made me rememeber exactly how I felt during my exchange year, how I saw things, how silly and happy I was and how undescribingly different everything was back there. 

    Sometimes I go through my blog. It usually just makes me homesick for America, so I normally read older posts for only about 15 minutes or so, but today was different. It didn't make me miss my year, it made me feel as if I was still there. As I was still a Junior in KHS and it made me feel as I could just text Liz and tell her to come pick me up. It made me feel as there was sun shining outside, but not welcoming cause it's too hot. It made me feel as I would still be nervous about getting those last essays to turn it in and it made me feel as if there was still a soft white carped under my feet as I step out of the bed. It made me feel like home.

    I feel like the fact that even after 3 years, I still feel the need to add something to this blog, shows exactly how an exchange year can crawl into your heart and lock itself there for the eternity.

    Most importantly, I dedicate this post to my YFU students, who I got to hug and send off to their "American experience" about half a year ago. They are partly a reason I am posting this draft. You guys still have 6 months left, and don‘t forget that You are living Your dream right NOW - go find Yourself that "Fun USA" Y‘all were dreaming about in July. 

I am going to finish this post up by adding a video that DC made. It was one of the best days of my life, definitely the coolest day I had in the States and spent with people I wish were still here by my side. I want to say thank You guys for giving me those memories - one day, I hope, we are going to cook a delicious breakfast again and listen to some old school hip hop music in the car that is (Beth this is for You:..) "Totally inappropriate, totally, absolutely inappropriate." I love You guys to the moon:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyzQca289y8

ELO 2019, USA 1 - USA 2 kodugrupid

Texas was my home, is my home, it will be my home.

I was randomly sorting out my social media today as I found a post I had written about 9 months ago.  I dont remember why I didnt post it at the time but seems like a reasonable thing to do right now, since I dont have much to add to this blog anyway.
I have still been homesick for america from time to time.
Here is the post:

"Today in class, the teacher wrote down a simple phrase "FBI investigation" on the board.
These two words were enough to make me homesick for the whole day. These words reminded me my Forensic class, how much I miss this class. How much I miss EVERYTHING about my exchange year.
You see, homesickness is a weird thing. Maybe the weirdest I have ever had to deal with. It hits you when you least expect it and it does not go away.

Wanna know what I miss the most about America?
It is not how the school system works there or how big and pretty Texas is.
I miss how every Sunday morning we ran to the donut store looking like pandas with Adriana.
I miss how every morning Mrs.Huff threw me a protein bar telling me I need them more than she does.
I miss how I used to argue with coach Benefield every single time when he told me he did not spot me and I lifted the bar all by myself, yet I never believed him.
I miss how Sassy ran to me when my hostmom was yelling at her.
I miss how during warm up in theatre we caught up with each others lives and laughed more than I had during the whole day.
I will never forget how me and Hailey always found a way to sleep on the chairs in Social Media Marketing when the teacher was not there...or when the teacher was there but we were just to sleepy. 
I miss jamming in the car with Liz and almost hitting other cars because you know "probably not the best idea but it worked."
I wanna be on the track at 3pm again running until we all are about to throw up while coach Jewel is still making us laugh and I wanna hear all Coach Copes pep talks before meets.
I wanna be in the bus with Liz and Coach Meek and hear them arguing because Liz NEVER agrees with him.
I miss how Luke always said something brilliant in the mornings and always had his own opinion on everything.
I miss how DC and Szymon were teasing me during lunch.
And as hard as it is to admit that, I miss how DC used to remove the paper around my protein shake, making me all angry with this.
I miss going to the weight room every day during the break because no matter what mood I was in, I always left form the stadium smiling."


This is the magic about an exchange year. I really feel like I lived there, I created a life that I would have never created if I had just moved there by myself.
What makes it hard is that no matter what, I will never get that feeling back. No matter how many times I will visit them or how much I would talk to them. I will never have the same routine and the same Junior year in KHS.

I understand now what it means to have two lives. The girl I am today, does not know the girl who was in America 14 months ago, but she remembers how this girl felt.

Just feel like I owe an enormous "Thank You" to everybody who made my year in the USA to be the dream life I always wished for.

xoxo

Everything general about my American experience

* Basically, in school there are groups of people. Football guys, cheerleaders, indianettes, nerds, regular people, loners, etc.
* Everybody wears basically same clothes and same shoes.
* When the teacher meets the class first time, he/she gives a short overview about his/her life and introduces him/herself for about half an hour.
* They'd rather drive around the parking lot for half an hour than park far from the door and walk to the store.

- Fun Facts:

1) I had a screensaver: no text to Estonia!

2) I chilled in bathroom during lunch once, because I was homesick and didn’t wanna find new friends. 

3) At the end of the day I always thought how super good my American life is 

4) You are gonna miss everything, especially when all your friends start telling you how they are going to cry when you leave.

5) Liz: ''Lisa and stay in this area cause u know you like to wander'' aka our KOHL's trips with Liz!

- Tips to next exchange students:

1. If you wanna write a blog post about something, do it ASAP. If you don't have time to open your computer, write a draft on your phone memories. Because if you don't do it right away, you'll end up with 4 different posts that need to be posted and you just start stressing about it, like me lol.

2.Don’t follow the plan; don’t try to be the ‘’perfect’’ exchange student. Be you and have fun!!!

3.Speak up if you are homesick.

4.Don’t compare your life in America to your life back home!

5. Don't leave buying gifts for people back home on the last minute because you can never be sure if your host family or your friends are willing to drive you around for getting presents. (Except if you have Liz, who drives you from KOHL's to Walmart to CVS and then again to Walmart, then you should be fine)

6. USE PINTEREST FOR PACKING TIPS!

7. Use pinterest for everything...

7. Instead of telling your stories, ask about their's. Make them feel like they have that magical dream life you came here to see.